Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I need to shave my tounge

Since I had nowhere to be today I drank about three pints of tequila,among other things, at karaoke last night. I came home a few hours before Skinnard had to go to work and I slept past all daytime programing. It is brutally hot in the apartment and my body is in bad form

I found this
site that has some interesting "cures" that I might try next time...cause there's always a next time y'all!

Skips: Eat a bag of skips. The saltiness of them instantly makes you feel muchbetter,and the strong prawn flavour removes that manky taste you always have in your mouth

I think I know what Skips are, and I am sure I know what manky means.

If you like being super hungover, but your headache isn't giving 110%, then read these rules and observations on how to navigate the U.S. Open in Queens.

Monday, August 29, 2005

10th floor, 10th Anniversaries!

Feel free to celebrate, however appropriately, the 10th anniversaries of:
  • Tommy Boy~RIP Chris, it is indeed funny to see a "Fat Guy in a Little Jacket". It always will be. I wonder what wonders the special edition DVD holds......
  • Suck~ Before Heather was a rabbit, and before Ana was the wonky pin-up of political nerdz. Memories are sweet. So are Terry's illustrations. Check out the Filler archives, hi-larious!
  • Toy Story. It was just a good movie. fer rilla.

10 years ago it was 1995. Man, that was a cool year. THink about it. I think I was also 10 lbs. lighter. 10, 10, 10!

Hello from the 10th Floor

Duude, I am in my new lab using the departments oh-so-fast wireless connection. I had a weirdly emotional weekend, but I think my brain is sorted out now. Feeling calm.

I just stumbled onto an article in the July Wired re: female orgasm and how the drug companies finally realized that pumping tons of blood into a females genetalia does little for her sexual appetite. Duuuuh. Thats how come Jessica loves Roger Rabbit. He makes her laugh, so take that Dick "pretty boy" Tracy.

I am going to have to explore my new environment to find the appropriate place to use the bathroom when it is urgent...like about now.

On the ikea front; my advice is stick with the P's:


Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Oh babies!

I am FREE! Instead of being at work, I am at home. The difference is that now I am no longer paid to play snood. Does that mean I am a retired snood professional? I'll have to make a varsity jacket for myself.

Today I will go to Target. At my leisure. the new era or organization begins NOW!

I am enjoying these things as well:
have a pretty good day.

Monday, August 22, 2005

2nd to last day at work

ddddfeeling very good about leaving it all behind- except my sweet computer- I will miss you most of all, G5!

•••vSince all I ate over the weekend was cream and cheese (
Mrs. L's is truly, truly, heaven on earth and is priced accordingly) I am back on the greens and other such healthy food stuffs.

I will keep playing snood for the rest of the day in hopes of getting a ridiculously high score. That way my replacement at work will never be able to beat it. I will then experience my word of the day:
Schadenfreude (\SHOD-n-froy-duh\, noun: A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others.)

Another image of what I will be leaving behind, alas:
her name is katrina and she is not a man
and they are real. Sam says shouldshoyuld shut up
because she is a really sweet lady. A really sweet
lady that advertises sexual favors in the
back of a newspaper.

i love you all!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

How to be my man:

Since I live in such a sparsely populated town as NYC, I am familiar with every single/married mans woe: When will I see another woman??

I'ts been well-documented that NYC is FULL of available women~ so how can you; a strapping, ageing, unshowered, grade school d, greasy, insensitive, unattractive strange man on the street, get in on some of that hot girlie action?

Well boys aged 18-95, it's your lucky day. I am going to give you some insider tips on how to get into my pants:

  • Rapping: If you are in your car, walking with headphones on or just hanging out near a music source and some hip-hop is on then PLEASE rap along while waving your arms in
    an authoratative way and look at me while doing all this so I know it is meant for me. I get extra impressed when the song is about killing.

  • Being Drunk in a Subway: Hopefully I will be very sweatyt and carrying
    two oversized heavy bags and limping. And hopefully you will be with some buddies. You all should feel free to stare at me and ask me "what's goin' on?". I have no where to go, and am happy to stand and talk to you. I will most likely ask for your phone numer to have sex with you later that night.
I will be adding soon, but these two are gems~until next time boys.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Today I have learned 2 more things I don't want to know about The Donald.

  • #1: He officially has the worst haircut ever.
  • #2: He thinks he can teach us all a thing or two. When did he become an authority
    on anything other than Dominos pizza? I guess America's iron is hot, and needs a striking.

Summer Update Y'all

This summer has been a series of X-treme highs and lows.
  • 3 days in Cape Cod at a private house on the beach.
  • Watching a lightning storm over the ocean from that house.
  • Drinking and singing for free every Monday night
  • bought 2 dresses that i Loooove ($10 each)
  • couple of really good beach trips.
  • I've been eating like a queen thanks to my personal chef.
  • VENGEFUL return of Migrane that lasted two and a half weeks in June,
    landing me in the ER one and a half times.
  • RELENTLESS humidity and heat mixed with the already unsavory feel and smell of the city. (I do not have AC)
  • INEVITABLE re-gain of the five lbs I lost before May.
  • and most recently the: UNFORTUNATE spill that has had me in bandages and limping for a week. I will probably lose my toenail. The idea of this makes my stomach quiver.
That's the update.

I have 4 days of work left (including today)..this is perhaps the greatest news I have had since I got the job.

My job here is done in all senses. When I started here X & Xtine were both miserable, depressed, lonely, and sexless. I leave them both medicated (they go to my Dr. for Rx's),and in relationships (X is moving in with his hippy lady and Xtine just became exclusive with her chef-man).

There are only the three of us in office and we all have our various medical needs. I sent them both to my psychiatrist and they both went. I take Wellbutrin™, X takes Celexa™, and Xtine takes Paxil™. I think the doc looks like a turttle on account of his neck to head proportions/positioning, so now we all take time out of our days once a month to go 'see the turttle'. Tom Cruise can say what he wants- but this office is far better off on drugs.

What else? I have learned that although I enjoy poker very much I really don't play very well. I have learned this by losing a huge amount of money over the last six months. Money I should have used on an airconditioner. Whatevs.

Anyways- its only one more week of editing porn like this little gem:

No more "Snow pups" no more "anal ladies" no more "very accommodating and mature" no more "'Greek' Goddess" no more " toilet and dildo training"...the list in endless and my vocabulary greatly expanded. Also my notions of sexuality has been greatly affected. I'm glad to get out.

Anyways I might be buying a great laptop for cheap from my boss and I've got some good plans the next few weeks and possibly some good drugs to with...things are looking up.